The Simile-Imposter & Inappropriate Metaphor

Two of the most frequently used tools in writing are the metaphor and the simile, as a means to both connect with the reader’s personal experience and deepen the characterization of the narrator POV.

“His anger was like a volcano.”
“Their hands shook like the last of the autumn leaves before winter.”
“Her face was the sun.”

Metaphor and simile are especially good at making prose jump out, provide linkage to sensory experience and establish tone in a scene.

Simile-Imposters

No, this has nothing to do with that other shadowy imposter that sneaks into your mind now and then and tells you you’re a bad writer—brain wyrms are another discussion. The Simile-Imposter appears when a writer uses a comparison that doesn’t fit the tone or narrative voice, or isn’t a comparison at all.

“He cried as if he were sad.”

This is an extreme example, but here we can immediately tell the problem: It is not “as if” he were sad—the character is crying because they are sad. (Okay, maybe it’s joyful tears, in which case this complex set of emotions wouldn’t be the target of critique. For the sake of example, let us assume the intent is a direct comparison of the same emotion with its physical manifestation.) That’s not a comparison, and so it’s not really a simile.

“The Moon hung in the sky as if it were orbiting the Earth.”

Here again, that is what the Moon is doing, so this is no comparison at all and the simile adds no new information or sensory experience for the reader that the first half of the clause alone can’t accomplish.

Now let’s look at one that does work. In his excellent book The Veiled Throne, part of the Dandelion Dynasty, author Ken Liu writes:

“Like Langiaboto arcing over the scrublands, hurled by the arm of Pékyo Tenryo, the bull whale, twice the length of the matriarch, accelerated toward the ship that loomed ahead like an island."

Here there are two similes. The first one compares the bull whale, the sentence’s subject, with Tenryo’s spear Langiaboto, conjuring speed in the mind of the reader while simultaneously providing reinforcement to worldbuilding. The second simile compares the ship to an island, which is deftly done since the POV in this moment is a whale, and islands are presumably something whales could or would consider familiar, known. Liu is using his omniscient POV here to carefully choose his comparisons appropriately given his respective subjects and narrative focus. These comparisons each add something new to the described action and are suited to their narrative POV and in-world setting.

Inappropriate Metaphors

What about the other kind of mistake, the Inappropriate Metaphor or simile?

“The blood pouring from Jacob was lava.” or “Red lava poured from Jacob’s wounded arm.”

Was it burning hot? Slow and viscous? Explosive? This metaphor prompts a lot of questions. Is it actual lava or human blood being fancifully described, as in the florid prose example “stream of sanguine crimson”? It’s harder to provide an example for the inappropriate metaphor because it relies on the context and tone of the passage. To the narrator, “lava” might be the best term. But it’s probably not in most cases, because while both subject and object are red and somewhat liquid, the comparison is tenuous without additional context. There is less here to call wrong so much as simply ineffective and potentially confusing.

When we reach for a metaphor, we should consider the POV and the tone, consider the intended effect the metaphor is accomplishing. The metaphor or simile should be in-character, if it’s a closely written POV. “The winds whirred like a computer fan” doesn’t work if the narrator’s pool of knowledge does not include anything like a computer. That is not to say we must triple-check every idiomatic phrase–there is a point at which linguistic origin need be set aside for clarity and delivery–but we must be mindful of nonsequitors of narrative POV. The computer fan sentence immediately signals the reader this was not said by the book’s narrator but instead by the writer themselves, greatly increasing the distance between the reader and the text.

Metaphor and Simile are excellent tools to deepen characterization, inject worldbuilding, and add that certain spice of narrative voice to prose. Like any other tool, their effectiveness lies in how appropriately they are applied, and in how well the craftsperson understands them.